A mother’s love

Have you ever had an old memory come up that was so vivid, so clear that you thought it was a dream? I have had several from the very early years of my childhood that I think have played a significant role in who I am today.

My mom was only 16 years old back in 1974 when I came into this world. She eventually married my stepfather, and he was abusive. I’m not talking about the “he spanked us and yelled at us” type abuse, it was the real deal, the kind you might see in a movie of the week.

I couldn’t have been older than 4 years old. I remember waking up from a nap and going downstairs, rubbing my eyes and laying in my mother’s lap. It was dark out and I can remember the Love Boat theme playing on our little tv. I can still feel her warm embrace and her hand resting on my curly hair. It was so quiet, so peaceful, and I remember how beautiful she was. It was just the two of us in that moment, on that tired old couch, and it was the happiest memory of my entire childhood.

That’s how I remember her, not any other way. My mom had a tough life and she struggled often, and we were apart from each other from the age of 6 on. Yet, that’s how I remember…..and that love, that warm embrace in a quiet moment when no words were needed, helped me through the tough times even if I didn’t realize it. In that moment she gave me everything that God had designed me to need, and that, my friends, was love.

I lost my mother many years ago when I was only 19 or 20 (I am not really good with remembering exact dates) and often when I look back at my life, I could give myself lots of excuses to be less than who I am. Statistically, children in those circumstances (with an abusive parent) are at high risk for continuing that cycle in their own families, having destructive addictions, and even ending up in jail..and I am one of the lucky ones.

A lot of times we go through life chasing goals, chasing dreams, and chasing purpose. I struggle a lot with not knowing what God’s plan for me is. Like lots of others I imagine he has some grand great scheme for me to help move His kingdom forward.

What if my purpose was just to love my children enough so that they would know God? Could I be humble enough to accept it? Maybe my mom’s purpose was to give me love so that my children could know love. When I look at it that way, it seems like the greatest purpose of all. Thank you God for giving me a mom that was brave enough to love me