A tale of two moms

In a previous post, long, long ago, I wrote about how a vivid memory of my mom affected me as an adult. Being Mother’s Day, I thought I would share a little more of the story.

Being a sixteen year old single mom wasn’t as common back in 1974 as it is today. From what my Gram and my birth mom shared with me, it was certainly a lot harder for a girl back then, than it is right now.

I remember various details from time to time, as I recalled in “A mother’s love”. I could never overstate how important my mother’s love played in my life in later years.

Today I want to talk about my other Mom, the one who is still alive and played just as critical a role as my birth mother in my life.

The namesake Marcil, that my children, wife and I bear, is not my given name. It’s the name that I took from my foster family. Although I was born Michael Jude Hersom, my stepfather adopted me at a young age and had my name changed Michael David Swist. To further his ego, he also somehow had my birth mom’s name and my birth name completely erased from my birth certificate. Every time I look at that piece of paper, it’s a reminder of how manipulative he was.

By the time I reached the Marcil’s home, my stepdad had successfully kept my Mom and my family from me for over 6 years and had convinced me that she died in a car crash, which I would soon find out was a lie. So I didn’t have very compelling reasons to try and get my birth name back at that age. I only knew that I didn’t want the name that my stepdad had forced on me.

The state that I was in when I came to live with Linda & Ray Marcil was not that of a loving kid or just another foster kid who was just passing through. I was polite enough and had manners, but what they took in was a 13 year old kid who had learned that if you don’t like things, you throw stuff around and hit people. That if you want to get your way, it’s ok to use manipulation. That is what I had learned before I went there….it was a lot of what I knew. I was also a kid who was desperate for a loving family. For some normalcy, at least that’s what I thought.

Can you imagine having enough love to take in a kid like that? I was an addition to their 4 other kids and other foster kids that came and went over the years. I know there is a lot of talk about the foster care system and I hear, from social workers, about the high percentage of kids who go through that system and just end up another sad statistic. I wasn’t one of those, and I thank God that He put Linda Marcil in my path to help me through my journey.

I can’t imagine what was going on in her head when she got a load of who I really was, but I know this much…she didn’t give up on me. That’s who my Mom is… a lady who saw through a 13 year old’s line of nonsense and said enough is enough. A Mom who sensed that I was looking for a family to belong to.

Mom didn’t flinch from me when I got angry and she didn’t waver when I tried to manipulate my way into something. She was the most different woman I had ever met up to that point. She was strong, in a way that was very different from the other females that had been in my life. She was vocal and not afraid to ask, or tell, how things were going to be. Yet she was loving in the way she sacrificed her family to help kids like me. I hadn’t experienced that kind of love before. My stepdad always had loving, caring girlfriends that came into my life, but he had abused them so bad that they all eventually left to save their kids and themselves, and I don’t blame them.

My Mom always stood up for us kids. One time, I remember being accused of “being high by noon” everyday. An unwitting Vice Principal at the high school had made that remark to a social worker and it got back to me. I had, in very Mike-like fashion, confronted her in a not so good way that got me suspended from school. I was so angry, it was a lie, and that especially hurt when I was struggling to make some kind of normalcy with my life at the time she said it. When my Mom got wind of this, she had her own words with that Vice Principal. She marched up there and I’m not sure how that conversation went, but I do know this…that Vice Principal was as sweet as pie to me for the rest of time that she was there at Chicopee Comp.

So on this Mother’s Day, I want to thank my Mom for loving me and always having my back, no matter what. For giving me the courage to ask for what I want, and for teaching me to fight for my family. For taking in a 13 year old kid and giving him a family.

I also want to thank my Mom in Heaven with Jesus, for the sacrifice that she made so that I could know how to love and hug so deep that my wife and kids will always know that they are loved. For being a brave 16 year old who didn’t try to get rid of “a mistake”. You have six grandchildren, a beautiful daughter-in law and a very grateful son that is glad that is trying to leave the world a better place because of it.

I also want to thank God, for always giving us exactly what we need. I have tears in my eyes because of how lucky I am that I have two Moms that helped me through when so many others in this world don’t have anything.

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A mother’s love

Have you ever had an old memory come up that was so vivid, so clear that you thought it was a dream? I have had several from the very early years of my childhood that I think have played a significant role in who I am today.

My mom was only 16 years old back in 1974 when I came into this world. She eventually married my stepfather, and he was abusive. I’m not talking about the “he spanked us and yelled at us” type abuse, it was the real deal, the kind you might see in a movie of the week.

I couldn’t have been older than 4 years old. I remember waking up from a nap and going downstairs, rubbing my eyes and laying in my mother’s lap. It was dark out and I can remember the Love Boat theme playing on our little tv. I can still feel her warm embrace and her hand resting on my curly hair. It was so quiet, so peaceful, and I remember how beautiful she was. It was just the two of us in that moment, on that tired old couch, and it was the happiest memory of my entire childhood.

That’s how I remember her, not any other way. My mom had a tough life and she struggled often, and we were apart from each other from the age of 6 on. Yet, that’s how I remember…..and that love, that warm embrace in a quiet moment when no words were needed, helped me through the tough times even if I didn’t realize it. In that moment she gave me everything that God had designed me to need, and that, my friends, was love.

I lost my mother many years ago when I was only 19 or 20 (I am not really good with remembering exact dates) and often when I look back at my life, I could give myself lots of excuses to be less than who I am. Statistically, children in those circumstances (with an abusive parent) are at high risk for continuing that cycle in their own families, having destructive addictions, and even ending up in jail..and I am one of the lucky ones.

A lot of times we go through life chasing goals, chasing dreams, and chasing purpose. I struggle a lot with not knowing what God’s plan for me is. Like lots of others I imagine he has some grand great scheme for me to help move His kingdom forward.

What if my purpose was just to love my children enough so that they would know God? Could I be humble enough to accept it? Maybe my mom’s purpose was to give me love so that my children could know love. When I look at it that way, it seems like the greatest purpose of all. Thank you God for giving me a mom that was brave enough to love me

Social Media and Contractors….

I had a great conversation today with the Leading Social Media Expert in Western New York. It was inspiring to hear how he took what he believed in and turned it into his own business. It’s what he loves to do.

He was able to take what he loved doing and help others achieve success at Social Media to such a level that he was able to leave a very good job and start his own business. There is no doubt about it, Kevin Evanetski is a phenom, and years ahead of Marketeers who have added “social media” to their entourage of services that they will utilize.

How do I know? Just visit the Facebook pages of his many clients…the proof is in the numbers. Social Yeah clients enjoy large fan base access that allows them to post to that fan base at will. Connecting with your customers (existing or potential) allows you to build priceless relationships and allows them to remember why they like you so darn much. Most people check their Facebook news feed before anything else, it’s where they interact with the world.

Social Yeah focuses solely on social media and how to grow your audience to a level that will give your business top of mind awareness that marketing firms kill for. They help you get the audience that you always wanted.

Customers will not call you if they don’t know three things:
1) Who you are
2) What you do
AND
3) Why they should call you (when the need arises)
This has not changed in a long, long, time…like ever. Most advertising answers two of the three questions, Facebook answers all three.

Now before you get excited and run to Facebook and try this on your own, it’s an art and it can backfire on you….I, for one have spent countless hours trying to “figure it out” and have come up really fruitless. That’s why I was meeting Kevin to begin with. Lucky for me, no one else in the Heating, Cooling, of Fireplace business has it figured out yet either.

So why aren’t contractors doing a better job of utilizing this tool? In my humble opinion most people try to “do it themselves” and end up wearing too many hats in the process. I don’t know about you, but I find it hard to switch hats AND be excellent at it. Don’t get me wrong, I can be good at it, but not excellent.

This type of approach can cost you more money than you think you are saving. Let’s be real, when you haven’t been trained at something as complex as Facebook, you are wasting time and money trying to wing it instead of doing what YOU are an expert at and leaving Social Media to experts like Social Yeah. And the best part is that they keep you involved at a sustainable level that doesn’t require lots of time. This helps you keep control of the process and positions your business for tons of success at getting an audience and interacting with them in a meaningful way.

Henry Ford has been credited with saying “A man who stops advertising to save money is like a man who stops a clock to save time”. If that’s you I suggest you watch this short clip “Opposite George”

If you just feel that social media isn’t that important, you’re probably wrong, especially seeing that you would only be reading this if your my friend on Facebook.

The Workbench Project

Today, Ryan and Aiden built a workbench. It is the project of many in a book called Carpentry for Children. Jenn had gotten it a while ago during the “homeschooling” period.

It only took about 3 hours from start to finish and the boys did it almost entirely without my assistance. I watched and directed a little bit as they weren’t practiced enough at some basic skills. Hopefully by the end of the book they will be experts at carpentry.

Next week we will make their tool boxes. Until then go to the MJMarcil YouTube channel to see how the project turned out.

The self made prison

The first time it happened to me, I was 25 years old. All of a sudden I “woke up” and had an epiphany. It was the beginning of what would create some pretty interesting adventures for me throughout my professional career.

I had gotten into the trucking business around the age of 19. My birth father, at that time, had been a valued asset of a trucking company in Springfield, MA. The company had changed owners and my father was master of putting together shipments that drove truck drivers crazy and made the owners money. My father had convinced them to hire me, temporarily, as a fork lift driver. That turned into doing an internal audit, which turned into lead dispatcher and then into Logistics Manager and my first official career was born.

So there I was, 6 years later. I had been promoted as high up as they could promote anyone who had been so young without a college degree. I had moved my family across state, then later recruited by a competitor. I had built a profitable business that provided me the opportunity to work from home four days a week. This allowed me to move back to my hometown with my young family of three children since I would only commute one day a week. Looking back, most people would say that I was insane for ever thinking what I am about to share with you. I was only 25 years old and I made $60,000/yr and worked from home, without a college degree!

So what was it? What had woke me up? What kind of epiphany does one have that leads them down a path of less money and more uncomfort? Please understand that I am not your typically guy. Most guys would have been plenty content with the situation and would have smiled from ear to ear all the way to the bank. I believe that I am driven by something that doesn’t allow me to be content.

When I “woke up”, I got the same feeling you get when you witness a car wreck. You know the feeling you get when you see it happening and you can’t do anything about it?  I had suddenly realized what I didn’t see. I didn’t see any happiness, not in my co-workers, not in the executives. I struggled looking for it, and saw a couple glimpses, but generally they seemed liked they led pretty miserable lives, almost like lives of slavery. There was a lot of activity, but no desire, no passion. Oh sure there were moments of victory, but they were few and far between. Most of it seemed like watching the clock waiting for the day to end. As soon as this feeling, this waking up, washed over me, I knew that I would no longer work in the trucking business ever again. It didn’t take long before I got my wish, my company was sold and everyone who worked from home, was laid off. It felt like being saved from the wreck of an empty career, just doing a “good job”.

I think the only thing that caused me to “wake up” was that I wasn’t happy. I should have been, but I wasn’t. As I came to realize this, I also came to realize that I hadn’t been giving all that I could give, all that I was capable of. It felt like stealing, my employer paid me to do a job, and I did, but I did so with an attitude of “getting through it” instead of with a burning desire to deliver the best that I was capable of. I was much like everyone else, getting through my days and “doing a good job”. Oh sure, I worked hard, just ask my wife, sometimes it seems like all I did was work. I wasn’t in love with my work and when I realized that, the search began. I longed for passion and desire for what I was doing with my professional life. I believe that this desire exists at our basic human level, buried like lost treasure, waiting to be unearthed. Most people don’t know that they are missing it, they just go about their days, “punching the clock”.

This epiphany, or vision, has led me through three industries and a few companies, because of my belief. The belief that I should never compromise my passion, my desire, and my excitement to get out of bed in the morning for anything, not even the security of a paycheck. It’s been hard to do, and I have often found myself with that same feeling I had when I was 25, nudging me, telling me to do something. I don’t want to be like most people, like slaves, in a self made prison where they are holding the key, right in their pocket, and completely paralyzed from using it.

From Hero to Zero (or so I thought)

Curry Honda

I remember the feeling I had on my first day of selling cars at a car dealership. It was depressing, and humbling at the same time…..and I was scared to death!

I had, at one point, a successful career in the transportation (a.k.a. trucking) industry and here I was….doing the same job that any 18 year old kid could get. Me, Mr. “I run my business from my cell phone while doing everything else in the world“, selling cars? I was embarrassed, hurting, and in need of a serious reality check. I had, years earlier, ragged on my brother over Holiday dinners about selling cars. I thought you had to be shady, slimy, and a LIAR to sell cars.

Jenn and I had a new baby, Daniel (el numero 5) and I hadn’t been in the trucking business for two years while I got my Associate’s Degree. I saw Pete making money hand over fist and thought I would just do it until I could get my computer business off the ground. I figured I was a shoe in with my brother as one of the best guys that they had. Boy was I wrong…..the General Sales Manager, Ken, had basically tortured me in two different interviews until I begged for the job. Then he left it in the Sales Manager’s hands, who happened to be one of my brother’s high school buddies, Johnny. I imagine that the conversation went pretty much like “If you hire him, he’s your problem“. I couldn’t believe the nerve, I had a degree, I had professional experience, and people liked me, yet I had to beg for a crummy car sales job?

On my second day, I remember cleaning out Alan’s desk, it was my new desk. And as I looked under the cheesy desk calendar I found a quote from Zig Ziglar, of whom I had never previously heard of. It said “You can have anything you want, IF you’ll help enough people get what they want“. It set the tone for the rest of my professional career.

I was humbled, and that 3 year experience at the car dealership helped change the direction of my life. I share this because I want to share my life’s journey, and hope that it will inspire someone else. I want my children to know my thoughts and my hardships when they are old enough to relate. This first post is just one of many points where I was smacked in the back of the head and forced to look around me and see all the good that life has to offer. I was feeling sorry for myself because my ego got in the way, once I let my ego go things moved ahead.

I’m not a writer, or a professional blogger, I’m just a guy who wants to share some stories, and I’m okay with that.